TODAY is our second anniversary! Looking back, the past two years have been full. Full of so many things I can’t even begin to describe. I’ve laughed til I nearly peed, and cried until my tear ducts had nothing more to give. We’ve been through a lot together in these last two years, learning so much about each other and, maybe even more so, ourselves.
Reflecting on our newlyweddedness (totally a word… now), there are a few things that stick out as key lessons to inspire those on the path to marriage, encourage those wondering what they’ve gotten themselves into, and bring a laugh to those who have been here and made it through. 🙂
LESSON 1: LEARN YOUR NEW NAME.
It took me a couple of months to get my new signature right. For awhile I was definitely signing Kendall Moelson… I mean, come on… A 24-year-old habit of writing Moore doesn’t just vanish overnight! But what I didn’t realize at first was that it wasn’t just my last name that changed. My title changed with it. I am now Mrs. Private Investigator Chef Maid Secretary CEO Enchantress Kendall Nelson.
There’s so much that comes with being a wife, there’s no book on this planet that can fully prepare you for it. Overnight I went from a happy semi-adult to full-blown adulting… for 2 people. Your priorities shift entirely to making decisions with two different sets of opinions, preferences and ways of doing things in mind.
The truth is, you become each other’s everything. And that’s the best way to be. I admire couples that can give a perfect answer for each other when they’re not even in the same room, or without a shadow of a doubt order food to bring home and know it’ll be the perfect pick. That’s something I’m still working on. What used to be the simple question, “What am I going to cook for dinner?” has become a real mental obstacle course. That’s what happens when you’re feeding a Hulk who is also a sometime vegepescagummywormatarian. I’ve found myself in the grocery aisle more than once just standing there, blank. Like I have no idea what to even pick up because he’s not answering his phone and I can’t remember what he said he’s not eating this week! It’s in those moments that I just laugh at myself and laugh at God because I know He knew what He was doing when He put us together. You have to trust that and just do your best. You’ll figure it out. When in doubt, veggie pasta it is.
LESSON 2: EMBRACE NEW TOWEL SYNDROME
It’s so fun to register for new gifts and open them all up after your bridal shower and wedding day. All the shiny new china (who does that anymore… we’re Jamaican so.. we had to), beautiful frames, sparkling new glassware and stainless steel pots and pans (my fave!) are all part of the fun of starting a new life together. And then there are the towels. Yes, the ones you picked out by running your hand down the entire aisle of brands, stopping at the softest, plushest one and scanning every last barcode onto your registry (just me?). The ones you dreamed of wrapping up in when they’re fresh and warm out of the dryer while you leisurely enjoyed a cup of coffee from your new coffee pot while contemplating what to wear. Too bad reality goes something more like this: Your first shower in your new home is rushed because you’re running late and nothing you need is actually in the bathroom so you’re constantly calling your hubby in to bring you what you need (making you both even more late) and then you blindly reach for the towel of your dreams only to hastily dry off and discover… All. The. FUZZ! And new towel syndrome sets in.
It’s hilarious (now), but the first year of marriage is pretty much that. You dream of the perfect life with the man of your dreams only to realize there’s a lot to learn about this guy once you finally live under the same roof. But don’t allow yourself to entertain the thought that you picked the wrong one. Just like you didn’t realize that grabbing the biggest, softest, plushest towel from the store shelf meant thousands of little fluff balls all over you, your spouse’s quirks may sometimes get all over your nerves, even the things you thought were so adorable while you were dating. Don’t freak out. He’s still the best one for you, so never be tempted to think otherwise. (Maybe you just need to wash him before first use.) 😉
LESSON 3: FITTED SHEETS ARE IMPOSSIBLE. AND THAT’S OK.
The perfectionist in me has always wanted to master the art of folding a fitted sheet, like it’s the gold medal of Good Wife Achievement. I hate the way they mess up a perfectly folded pile of laundry, and make everything topple over in the linen closet. Somehow, my grandmother figured out how to master this ninja art, and how I wish she were still here to teach me her ways (in more things than one).
But finally I decided it was ok to stop trying. First of all, my husband doesn’t care. As long as there are clean sheets on the bed, he could care less where the rest of the sheets are let alone what they look like. Beyond that, marriage, like life, isn’t perfect. There are some things that just won’t work for you two. And that’s ok. You have to know what’s important to the both of you and devote your energy to those things. Life will go on if you don’t make it to every single event on both sides of your family, or if you don’t do things like other people think you should. And life will DEFINITELY go on if you don’t learn how to perfectly fold a fitted sheet. 2 years of happily balled up sheets in the closet and counting!
It’s a hilariously fun journey-all of it. For those on the path to marriage, know there’s more to it than you can possibly imagine, so abandon all expectations and be open and optimistic. For those in your first year of this journey, know it gets better. There’s bound to be chaos when you put two people who have been doing things their own way for decades under the same roof and tell them to live on the same page. You’ll work out the kinks and have great memories and stories to share from it all. Just be patient and compassionate, because you’re probably driving him crazier than he’s driving you. 😉 And for those who have been in the marriage game for awhile, I encourage you to reflect on those early years. Look at how far you’ve come, how much you’ve both grown. Laugh about how life was simpler and cherish the milestones you’ve accomplished together. All in all, marriage is a journey. It for sure is not a destination. Saying “I do” is only the beginning.
So to you, Anthony Dwayne Nelson, my husband, my best friend, my partner in crime, my favorite goofball, I love you. Thank you for being so patient with me and loving me in spite of my too much-ness (I did warn you). I wouldn’t want to spend a day without you, and I know God has us together to accomplish great things for Him. Happy Anniversary! Team Nelson Forever.
Elise McKenzie says
June 8, 2016 at 2:01 amCongratulations, you two!! God bless you always.
Jeoff Moore says
June 16, 2016 at 9:32 pmKendall & Anthony, I love you both and enjoy reading your blog…. It make me laugh. Cry and most of all enjoy your perspective (s) of Life, Love, Family and Faithfulness!!