It’s Valentine’s Day and love is in the air!
I don’t know about you, but this day never really meant much to me. Still to this day I don’t think I quite understand what the big deal is. After all, I don’t want to only feel loved one day out of the year! Honestly though, while the reminder is nice (and, admittedly, sometimes needed) we’d do better for our most important relationships if we made it a point to demonstrate our love more often.
The truth is, love is not a feeling; it’s a commitment. I think if we really understood, believed and invested ourselves in this, the divorce rate wouldn’t be as high as it is (still hovering around 50%). Love is not contingent upon what the other person does (or doesn’t do) or how they make us feel. In fact, love has very little to do with the other person. Instead, it has everything to do with our own decision to love them at all costs.
Jesus showed us just what this means: “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” (Romans 5:8, NLT)
The Message Bible puts it this way:
“We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.” (vv. 7-8)
God is love. Our call as Christians is to be like Him. To that end, we must model in our own relationships the selfless, sacrificial love that is unwavering. Even when the other person doesn’t deserve it. Even when they let us down. Even when it’s hard. And even when it’s not. God’s love for us is unchanging; so too must our love be for those to whom we’ve committed it.
Now we’ll be the first ones to say this is much easier said than done! Reeling in attitudes, frustration and snarky comments can be quite challenging at times, but it’s something we’re committed to working on in order to grow and strengthen our marriage. Far too often people get past the “honeymoon stage” of relationships and, when things get hard, they give up. They walk away. They set out in search of something better because this wasn’t what they expected. Whatever happened to “for better or for worse” and all the other vows made at the marriage altar? Sadly, they’re often easily forgotten and forsaken for the convenience of not having to put in the work to uphold the commitment.
The reality is, there’s not a relationship worth having that you won’t have to fight for. And the fight will always be with yourself. Fighting against that impulse to lash out. Fighting against that urge to be selfish and just do what you want. Fighting against that instinct to get defensive and retaliate when your feelings get hurt. No one is perfect, so no marriage could ever be. But it’s in our imperfections that we can see God’s grace and mercy at work in our lives. If it’s a God kind of love we’re striving for, enlisting His help is our only hope of achieving it; for His strength is made perfect in our weakness.
Marriage is the model that God created to reflect His relationship with us in the human capacity. As such, we should look to Jesus for an example of how to emulate true love toward our spouse, even when they’re getting on our lassssttttt nerve (because, hey, it happens!). With that in mind, Anthony and I have two things for you: a challenge and a lifeline.
Your Challenge:
Without talking to your spouse or significant other about it, commit to doing something to express your love to them for a specific amount of time, say the next 30 days. Choose something that really speaks their love language, like doing one of their chores, surprising them with small gifts to show you’re thinking about them, writing a note of encouragement, appreciation, or gratitude, maybe even sacrificing the time you’d usually spend on a hobby to spend more quality time with them, or sending the kids off and enjoying some cuddle time in a quiet house for a change.
Doing this consistently for 30 days will require much thought, intentionality and sacrifice; but it has the power to begin changing our outlook on how to truly love and do so with joy on the inside. As we commit to loving one another in tangible ways that are meaningful to the other person, we can allow God to develop our character in this way and lead us into places of love we have never experienced before.
The significance of making this commitment without discussing it with the other person helps us to remember that love is a choice we make on our own. It is not contingent upon the other person, nor are we seeking a reward for our actions. It is simply to teach us how to love and to enjoy loving even if we don’t receive anything in return. Remember, God is love and we are striving to be like Him. Our motives must also reflect that. Remember Jeremiah 17:10: “But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.” (NLT)
My desire with this challenge is to bring about life changing attitudes towards love and empower us to purposefully and actively live out our love commitments to one another day after day.
Your Lifeline:
We’ve put together a Love Lifeline Reference Sheet full of Scriptures about what God says love is and how to live it out in marriage and godly relationships. We encourage you to read through these verses together with your spouse to truly get a sense of the commitment God intends for us to have toward one another. Refer back to it if you’re feeling challenged or stuck, and incorporate these scriptures into your devotion time as you lift up your spouse and marriage (or future spouse and marriage!) in prayer.
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We hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, however you celebrate (or not, ha!). Here’s to true love that lasts!