In the whirlwind we know as life, it’s far too easy to lose track of our most valuable commodity: time. We get stuck at work late, we overbook our calendars, we find ourselves running around like mad people trying to get it all done. When that happens, we force ourselves to make tradeoffs to determine what gets done now and what gets postponed. Unfortunately, far too often the things we want to do get sacrificed for the things we feel we have to do; and far too often it’s the people we love most that have to “take one for the team” and get rescheduled. After all, they understand, right?
Well, in our house we’ve decided that Date Night must be a priority (hence the caps đ ). Not the thing that gets rescheduled, but the thing that other to-do’s get rescheduled for. Why? Because we realized that during any given week, we spend more time apart than together (because, work… meh) so we choose to protect the moments we do get to share and not let anyone or anything encroach on our time. Much easier said than done, let me assure you.
FAMILY FIRST, REVISED
We have a big family, which means there’s ALWAYS something for somebody, not to mention the impromptu, “Hey why don’t you guys come over?” And as much as we love our family, sometimes we just have to say, “Can’t tonight.” This was something I found incredibly difficult to do at the start. My family is super close-knit, so I’m used to being with them all the time. Even when I didn’t feel like being bothered, it was still nice to know everyone was in the house and I could come out of my room when I wanted to. đ That being said, I was very much used to dropping everything to go hang out without even a moment’s notice. Getting married shifted my perspective on that a bit.
I learned that I needed to also protect the time reserved for my marriage and my little family unit. It’s an amazing thing to have a big, supportive, loving family that’s close enough to spend every weekend with, but sometimes you just need time for the two of you. Because again, with all of our responsibilities during the week from work to church ministry to other obligations, there’s not a whole lot of time to just relax and enjoy each other’s company.
BEWARE THE BUDGET SABOTAGE!
Date Night is one of those things that can easily fall off the top of the priority list if you’re not intentional about it. For any reason at all-time, money, energy-it can easily become one of those ideals or good intentions you had starting out that just kind of fell off somewhere. We’re still working to get better at this, and it’s definitely a process. When we first got married and got slapped with the realities of adulting (paying rent, for example) Date Night wasn’t always in the budget. So we had to get creative. Let me tell you, milkshakes and movies happened pretty often, and honestly I don’t wish we’d done it any differently. Sometimes the time spent in the peace and comfort of your own home is more intimate and valuable than a night on the town. We’ve had some of our deepest conversations sitting on the living room floor eating take-out chicken fingers and fries in front of the fireplace. It’s those moments you remember and cherish because they shape your relationship, so we must strive to keep them a priority.
SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE
The other thing about Date Night is balancing both spouse’s interests. I work from home, so by the weekend I’m (usually) ready to get dressed and get out of the house for a fun night out somewhere… anywhere. Anthony, not so much. After a long week at work, all he wants to do is come home and stay home. Both of us have valid interests, so there has to be balance to make everybody happy. We agreed to split the difference. One weekend we go out, one weekend we stay in. And on weekends where there’s a bunch of other stuff on the calendar already, or neither of us feel like going anywhere, we abandon the schedule and decide together what we’ll do with our time. So far, it’s worked well! And we’re both getting more comfortable with doing what the other would prefer, because the more consistently you do it, you realize it’s not about where you are but who you’re with.
PS: I think it goes without saying, but Date Night totally doesn’t have to be at night! Breakfast dates are one of my favorites!
Be patient with yourself and with each other as you learn to shift your priorities. It’s not easy, and life always seems to get in the way, but when you do your best to prioritize time spent with each other, you can’t lose.
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