MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD
I’ve never thought of myself as an emotional eater. When I’m upset, I don’t sit on a couch or in bed (because that’s not allowed anyway) and mindlessly eat a bunch of chocolate or ice cream or carbs. When I’m happy or I’ve accomplished something, I don’t reward myself with a smorgasbord of unhealthy treats because “I deserve them.” I’ve always thought of myself as more so the “I want what I want when I want it” type that has been able to resist, or at least curtail, her cravings and generally make smart decisions most of the time.
I realized what that means is I am, in fact, an emotional eater. When I’m tired, I often don’t feel like cooking and instead of always putting it off on my husband after a long day of work, it’s easier to grab a salad from Chipotle with no rice, extra veggies and sometimes double meat depending on whether I’ve really eaten that day.
When I’m upset or feeling a little stressed out, comfort food is what I want. It can be as simple as a rich chocolate fudge milkshake from Coldstone or my mom’s spaghetti (thank God she only lives 15 minutes away!).
Tired and upset/stressed is definitely the absolute worst combination. And don’t let it be winter because being cold and surrounded by darkness at only 4:30 in the afternoon just makes everything even more terrible. (All the self-diagnosed seasonal affect issues over here.) I surely make the most compromising eating decisions under these conditions. That’s when we’re at the highest risk of hitting the Chick-fil-a drive through. Seriously though… I LOVE Chick-fil-a! And it could be worse, right?!
And when things are going my way and I’m having a great day or I’m proud of myself for reaching a goal or doing a good job on something, I want to celebrate. A fresh, handmade soft pretzel rolled gently in cinnamon sugar from the Dutch Market is always my favorite treat… Thankfully they’re only open a few days a week!
Then when it’s all said and done and I’m sick of myself and decide I want to reach my weight goal for real this time, I cut all the carbs and sugar and become a salad-eating, smoothie-blending, Zumba-going machine. Don’t even act like I’m the only one either! 😉
But you know what guys? I’ve come to learn that life is about acknowledging and celebrating all of our experiences, and food is a big part of that. There are going to be tough days where the last place you want to be is the kitchen slaving over a stove. There will be days when you’re so excited you just want to go to your favorite restaurant to celebrate and not even look at nutrition labels because you’ve earned it this time. There will also be a time to reel yourself in and buckle down to reach those health and fitness goals you set at the beginning of the year.
MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY
When I graduated from college, I was at my absolute unhealthiest weight ever of 238 lbs. *covers face in shame* Between the stress of rigorous school work and the insane juggling act that was my schedule (3 majors, president of a student organization, work, tutoring, getting tutored… you get the point) I was eating terribly and only scarcely making it to the gym.
After graduation, I returned home and joined my sisters on a super-strict diet that would barely even permit me to work out because my calorie intake was so low. Did it work? Sure did! I lost 63 lbs. and was extremely proud of myself. Was I miserable? Absolutely. (Until I got to the point of being brainwashed, as I say, and I couldn’t even remember what I was missing.) I realized from that experience that the protein shake/bar life is NOT for me. I survived that diet because it was a family challenge that we were all completing together. But every one of us can attest that our every attempt to go back and “get our lives” after doing it once has failed miserably. There’s a mental block where I just cannot get myself to go back to eating that way, even if it is just for a short time.
But like I said, it was effective. Following that diet, I reached by best, healthiest weight of 175 lbs. That’s where I was right around our wedding. I was pretty happy there, but not totally satisfied. There was still more tummy that had to go! But I wasn’t totally committed to making it happen.
THE MENTAL STRUGGLE
Truth moment: Most days, I couldn’t care less about making it to the gym. There. I said it.
I know what you’re thinking: “YOU’RE MARRIED TO A PERSONAL TRAINER!” You’re right, I am. And frankly, sometimes that just makes it even harder! Mentally I just haven’t been in a place to even want to work out. Regular exercise is one of those things I know I should prioritize, but often I just can’t get myself to do so. It’s way too easy for me to drown myself in work–for the blog, for consulting clients, for baking clients, or even around the house–and never actually make it out the door, or even just to the basement to do a home workout. Pitiful, I know. But on those days, I don’t even feel that guilty about it because my time is still being spent on valuable and important things. At the end of the day, though, I know it’s not the lifestyle I want to live. There has to be balance, and quite honestly I’m still trying to find it.
THE THING ABOUT BALANCE
It’s relative. We all have different goals, visions, and responsibilities. There’s no one set formula for a balanced life that is guaranteed to work every time. It’s something I find myself praying about quite often, asking God to help me achieve balance in my life according to what He wants me to prioritize. And quite frankly, it’s a daily struggle.
When it comes to initiating and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, we have to consciously adopt a mindset of stewardship that respects the fact that our bodies are temples (see 1 Corinthians 6:19-20) and should be maintained as such (I’m totally convicting myself right now!). To that end, we should strive to make the most of what we’ve been given to achieve a healthy balance between our family life, our work, our ministry, and taking care of ourselves.
DEFINE YOUR OWN LIFESTYLE
What I’ve learned from all the weight loss attempts and the different diets I’ve done is that nothing sticks if the commitment is only for the short term. A sustainable lifestyle change is what is going to make you your happiest, healthiest self.
A lifestyle change has to be made as a personal decision. It’s a reflection of the life you want to live across the board. How do you want to look? How do you want to feel? How can you best allocate your time? What are you willing to sacrifice to reach your fitness goals, and for how long?
The realest question: What won’t you give up?
The most important question: What’s your motivation? What’s your why?
MY PERSONAL REALITY
Tell me you’ve seen this t-shirt floating around social media! Hayley is totally on to something here. This describes my life E-X-A-C-T-L-Y! I need this shirt. Like last year.
My real life right now is: I want to work out, probably even lose some weight, but I want to learn to just be happy and content with who I am where I am, but I’m pretty sure I’m at least a little unhealthy so I need to reel that in but I don’t feel like going to the gym and I think home workouts are awkward and I like food and just want to live my life… but still look good, whatever that means.
That’s some serious cognitive dissonance going on right there. *sigh*
All this being said, I feel like I’m starting from square one all over again. My healthy lifestyle goal right now is simply to form good habits. Things like making it a point to drink at least 4 bottles of water each day; eating small, balanced meals throughout the day (which means actually putting down work long enough to go eat!); and getting back in a routine of regular exercise– 30 minutes a day, 3 times a week to start. These are modest goals that I think will help get me mentally back in the game again. But who said we have to shoot for the stars on day 1?
WHAT ARE YOU STRIVING FOR?
Have you found a rhythm of balance that works for you? If so, PLEASE SHARE YOUR SECRETS! I have no doubt that your personal tips and tricks will encourage and inspire others!
Or are you like me and still trying to get the hang of this whole thing (for real, or again)? If you are, know you’re not alone. We all fall short of the glory of God! Haha! Seriously though, we all have to start somewhere. What’s your biggest obstacle? Do you need motivation? Are you trying to figure out where to start, or how to find the time? Or do you need more affordable options to make healthy diet and exercise an achievable reality? Things to think about and things we can support one another in!
I hope this (possibly too candid) post inspires you to keep striving, no matter where you are currently. And I’m also hoping that, by putting this out there, it’ll be easier to hold myself accountable and really work to implement the lifestyle I want to live.
Julie says
May 12, 2016 at 12:51 pmGirl, this is me, completely! I also went to school and gained weight. I went home and on my moms home cooked meals and super food shakes in the morning I lost most of the weight. In Feb, I decided it was time to go to the gym regularly. I go 4 days a week for about 1 hour or more. (Mind you, I’m single and live at home) What has helped me stay consistent for the first time of my life is always keeping my gym bag in the car and going right after work. I find that when I stop at home first, I sit down and can’t get back up! lol hope this helps 🙂
Kendall says
May 17, 2016 at 8:21 pmGirl YES! The struggle is real lol! Keeping a gym bag in our car is genius. I used to do that, too; it definitely helped! Now working from home, I have to actually get IN the car! Haha! Love you!